A lot of people think that divorce is no big deal and doesn’t affect the kids. These are usually the same people that think that because they aren’t happy divorce is justified. I tivo Dr. Phil and actually learn quite a bit from his shows. The other day he remarked about how divorce should be “earned” if you are in a difficult situation which we all know can happen in a marriage. “Earning” to him means exhausting EVERY avenue you know of to make the marriage work. I think that what he says makes a lot of sense. There are just those cases when the children might be better off or a divorce can be justified. I truly think that there is a large portion of divorces that end that shouldn’t be ending at all.
I meet a LOT of families each year and I can tell you that from those experiences alone, children generally do better when in an intact family situation. They seem better adjusted, have more self-esteem and frequently need tutoring because they are trying to get an ‘A” in a difficult class like Calculus and not because they are failing every subject. This is not true for all the cases, or course, but for the majority.
I am not condemning disrupted families as my marriage with three children ended 17 years ago. I have personally seen my own children experience difficulties that I don’t think would have otherwise happened were we still married and ALL living together. I just have a heart for children and like to see them all do well.
I meet families for tutoring consultations where they share with me that their marriage is on the “brink of divorce” and I ALWAYS recommend to them to do everything they can to work on the marriage and stay together. Divorce puts an unbelievable amount of stress on all concerned but most of all the children! They sometimes look at me as if they have just heard for the first time that marriage is ‘work’. Yes, I do know that it is a four-letter word but that is what it takes to have good relationships in life and a good marital relationship is important to your well-being and will aid your children tremendously as they navigate this maze called LIFE!